Thursday, 26 June 2014

My Weight Issues

Every year around this time (and sometimes during the year too) I get stressed about my weight. I am not sure if it's because of the warmer weather and so you wear less or just the way I am. When I walk the dog to the park I go past this building where you can see your reflection in the glass and every time I go past I just look at myself and think "Yuck" and "How did I let myself get this way?"

Lets go back to the beginning. When I was a child and right the way up to the age of 18 I was under weight. In fact the school even called my mum in once about it. I used to eat lots and whatever I wanted and not put on anything. When I was 18 years old I was 8 Stone. I had a lovely figure (maybe slightly too skinny) and people used to take notice of me a little. Whilst I always felt ugly mainly due to being rejected so many times in my teens by all the paper boys I fancied,  I still knew my figure was pretty good. 

Me aged 18.

Then I got glandular fever and my world changed. It was at this point my energy levels got zapped and whilst that was 17 years ago now my energy levels have never been the same. I have days when I am so tired I have to go back to bed for a few hours. I have been to the doctors many times about my energy and they do blood tests and nothing comes up so I am stuck with this undiagnosed fatigue. Around the age of 18 I also hit rock bottom with an OCD form of depression (you can see my previous post about my battle with depression here) and was put on anti-depressants. I have been on them ever since and will be for the rest of my life. So all these things going on with my body I started to get bigger and bigger.  I am now a size 24 and this summer I am the heaviest I have ever been at just over 18 stone. I really do think my metabolism has changed because I can eat around the same or less than my fiancĂ© Neil and he doesn't put anything on but  I do. 

So it's time to cut down on the junk food and treats. This time I have decided due to the fact I am unemployed and therefore haven't got much money to try and just cut down myself without joining Weight Watchers or whatever. In fact two years ago I joined Weight Watchers and lost a fair amount but unfortunately the lady that ran the group turned on me and shouted me down in front of everyone saying I was losing too much and that if I lost another 3lbs next week she would have to kick me out. I never went back because it really upset me. I have never heard of anyone being threatened to be kicked out of a slimming club because they were losing weight. 

So at the moment here is my plan. I have cut out the big bowls of cereal and gone back to porridge in the morning. I have cut down on the fizzy drinks, chocolate and other junk food. I have even started going back to eating diet ready meals in the evening (not every night though). I have lost about 6lbs in the last two weeks. I am just taking it easy really and doing it slowly. I walk the dog every day and with my friend Wendy I go walking further than I used to and faster than my normal pace so I am sure that helps. I know I am never going to be super slim again but to lose some would be good not only for my confidence but also for my health. I do notice that when I am slimmer my asthma gets a little better.  The thing I find the hardest is when people come back into my life from when I was at school or in my late teens and knew the skinny me. I feel so embarrassed about my weight now, they must look at me and think "what on earth happened to her?" 

Me now

I still have one takeaway a week for a treat. You have to have some pleasures in life. A doctor once told me that I would be on a diet for the rest of my life. Now to me that statement is so depressing. At the end of the day I want to lose the weight for me. I have a gorgeous fiancĂ© who I love and loves me to pieces and I know inside that I am a good person. I may be overweight and I may be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life but at least I feel better mentally and have a good happy life. I guess at the end of the day you can't have everything you want but I am going to give it a try to get slimmer this summer. 

21 comments:

  1. Just be careful with the ready meals hun as even though they are diet they can be high in salt etc. You could look at doing Slimming World from home using forums and their facebook pages and cooking from scratch? Or your GP may be able to refer you to them and give you vouchers.

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    1. Thanks I will look into that. I know a lot of my friends use Slimming World and have lost quite a bit. Weight Watchers really upset me and put me off a bit!

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    2. Whatever plan you choose there is a forum called minimins that is really helpful. I lose 8 stone on slimming world but then stopped doing it, got ill, had a baby etc and have put the weight back on.

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    3. Wow well done on losing the weight. Sorry to hear you got ill. I will check out that forum.

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  2. I did weight watchers online because I had issue with being weighed by someone else and found that really good. Unfortunately it costs £10 a month. Walking with your dog is so good too. Best of luck with it all x

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    1. Thanks. I might look into joining an online service when I have a bit more cash. Right now just trying to do things myself.

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  3. well done reaching the choice to lose weight I think slowly is best, I am about the same as you now but have lost 5 stone over last 3 years, would be happy if I could do same over next 3 years but have been on plateau for 6 months. think we have to learn to love ourselves as we will never be skinny 18 year olds again, my aim is not to be thin but to be healthy, just want to live a bit longer xx

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    1. Well done on your weight loss. I agree, I will never be the size I was when I was 18 but like you said to be healthy is the main thing. I know for a fact that my asthma is a lot worse the bigger I am. Also this year I developed a hiatus hernia. I suffer from Polycystic ovaries too and of course my depression which doesn't help. I just sound like a walking nightmare :-)

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    2. Oh and minimins is fab - I'm on there too :) Fab support over there x

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  4. Just use My Net Diary. I've lost 5 stone 8lbs with it in the last 4 months. The app is free I think although I pay for a sub online.

    I have PCOS too and depression - you're just one of us lady ;)

    You'll do it when you're ready. I wasn't ready until Jan/Feb this year when I had 19 or so stone to lose, I was ready then and there's no stopping me now.

    You're fab as you are Ellen, just take it easy on yourself xx

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    1. Well done Jackie that's an amazing achievement. I will definitely check out the site. Keep up the fab work x

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  5. Well done on losing 6 lbs already, that's a fantastic start. I use myfitnesspal as a free way to track my calories and weight. Good luck x

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  6. I've lost three stone on Slimming World without much effort & I have stuggled for the best part of 5 years with my weight. I like the fact it is food optimising rather than a diet. I hate counting calories and on SW you are still allowed the odd treat!

    If you're not ready to go to group yet, perhaps purchase the Slimming World magazine for some inspiring stories and recipe ideas. Slimming World has taught me to cook from scratch too, much more tastier and healthier than those ready meals.

    Good luck! :) xx

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    1. I will deffo check out slimming world. Might go to the docs and see if they can refer me.

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  7. Hi Ellen,

    Really brave of you to share and I think your plan sounds great. Re the ready meals, yes some of them are a bit high in salt but if you get tired easily it can be good to have some of them in the freezer as an emergency. What I do is I batch cook my own ready meals on a Sunday afternoon and freeze them in individual portions.

    I also echo what some other folks have said here about joining an online support group - there are so many about including some very good free ones like Sparkpeople which has some really good trackers and hosts diet blogs forums and tons of good recipes. I like the Eatingwell site for recipes and meal plans too.

    I don't have a problem with weight as such but I have body dysmorphia problems and have been having issues with starve/bingeing cycles so I have to watch what I eat but to make sure I am eating enough and consistently. I would find it almost impossible to motivate myself if I didn't keep track via online forum.

    Final tip, if you haven't got one already I really recommend having a look for pedometers where you can see how many steps you've taken a day - you can set your own targets and give yourself a boost when you start beating them.

    Good luck, although I'm sure you won't need the luck xx

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    1. Thanks for the tips. I will have to look at some of the online communities.

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  8. Good luck with your dieting Ellen and keep your chin up, it's those little things like walking a bit faster and further will make all the difference and you wait and see, in say a couple of months time I reckon you will be pleasantly surprised.

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  9. iv always struggled with weight, i managed to get to a size 12 then i had a c-section with my daughter, as i couldnt do much i started putting on weight, especially when my csection reopened, it scared me and i was scared to walk etc, so i just ate and stayed in with my baby, sicne then iv really struggled to lose it, i have a good go, lose some then something happens and i find an excuse to eat rubbish again, i need will power, but good on you, hopefully this blog will inpire me! good luck and keep going :)

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  10. I remember you from many years ago when you were doing the cheggers bedroom competition.

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  11. I had the same problem which my doctor put down to my unhealthy diet but a diet change didn't seem to do any good then She thought it was just a growing up period and sure enough 18 months later I was bursting with energy.

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