Friday, 21 April 2017

My Online Dating Experience

About a month and a half ago I decided to give online dating a go and sign up to a popular free dating site in the hope I would find a new friend and maybe build a relationship with him over time. I signed up open minded about the type of men who would message me and made an honest positive profile with plenty of pictures including full length ones to show that I am a larger lady. Over my time on there I discovered there are five types of men: 

Mr Jerk - there is no way you are going to escape these type of men on dating sites. The ones who think that sending a sexual message or talking about sex after one message or even on the first message is going to get them a shag. As my messages came in I could almost tell who was going to be a jerk by their picture. These tended to be the really attractive men who looked at my profile and thought "oh a fattie, she must be desperate and easy." To me the biggest turn off ever is a man who wants to talk about sex before anything else. Don't get me wrong flirting is fine but this was not flirting. I'm not interested in your foot fetish, that you like to give other men blowjobs or you want to cum all over my face. I want to get to know you and what you enjoy doing in life not in the bedroom. I also hate it when men over use the word "babe" or "princess" when they don't even know you. I clearly stated on my profile I wanted a relationship not a one night stand but you just can't escape these type of guys. 


Mr Waster - this one is hard for me to write about and I hope I come across the way I want to. I fully understand that people have illnesses and are on benefits. I know this because I am one of those people but these are the men who are on benefits and openly admit they don't mind staying on benefits for the rest of their lives. I personally hate the fact I am on benefits and I am doing everything I can to get help with my condition so that I am well enough and reliable to get a job even if it's just part time at first. I am very understanding towards mental health issues and serious disabilities but these are guys who with help and time could get back into work but just want to take the easy way out. For example I met one guy who has diabetes and he refuses to have treatment for it and said he was going to die young and was happy to be on benefits for the rest of his life. I'm sorry but I don't want to be with someone that has no ambition at all or won't even try to help themselves. 


Mr Rude - these are the men who obviously think they are better than you that they don't even think you are worthy of a response. As I went through profiles I decided to message men who I shared common interests with. I am well aware that I am not the prettiest girl out there. I never have been a popular girl and now with my weight I feel worse about myself. I think I'm not like most girls as I am not into fashion and beauty etc. However I did find some people who I thought looked nice and shared interests with me. I guess I kind of veer towards the geeky type of guy. Anyway I would send a nice message about our common interests and then nothing. To them I obviously wasn't worthy of a reply. I guess they looked at my profile and judged me by my appearance. Whereas I replied to every single person that messaged me even the Mr Jerks. Even if it was to say thanks for the message but sorry I'm not interested. Maybe I was wrong to do that but I grew up learning to be polite and have manners and to treat people how you wish to be treated. I gave every guy I chance because you never know when something might click. 


Mr Time Waster - when I first joined the site I had quite a few responses. As a new fish in the pond everyone was eager to find out more. These are the guys who I have chatted to since I first joined but the chat goes no where. It's the same old. They come online every couple of days and message me to ask me how I am or what I am up to and then that's it. They don't ask anything about me or suggest anything more. They are happy to bumble along for months on end repeating the same old things. 


Mr Pushy - after reading about the time wasters it's probably weird that I am now writing about the pushy men. These are the guys who want to meet after one message. I understand it's frustrating logging in and chatting daily but as a woman online I have to be careful who I meet. I have been online since I was 15 years old and I have had some unpleasant experiences with some men I have met so I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to chat for a little while and then exchange numbers and chat on the phone for a bit before meeting up. You have to be careful there are some nasty people out there. These men tend to disappear when you ask them to talk a bit more before meeting.


Saying all that I did speak to two potentials. The first one was a guy I chatted to online and on the phone. We even planned to meet up. We had a lot in common and then on the day we were meeting he let me down. I was understanding that things crop up that can't be helped but then he left me hanging for five days waiting to hear from him. When he finally contacted me he was in a rush and things just didn't add up. I am not 100% sure if he was already in a relationship or what. I just didn't want to be left hanging like that and so I told him and then nothing. He just ignored me and never contacted me again. So that was the end of that. 


The second guy I really liked. Not necessarily as a date as I was pretty sure he wasn't interested in me in that way but as a friend. We got on well in messages. We had friendly banter and chatted about all sorts including how hard it was to find decent people on the site. He even admitted that I am the one person he found easy to talk to and enjoyed talking to. I know he wasn't sure if online dating was for him so he deleted his profile without saying bye or anything. Then a week later he popped back up again with a new profile and we chatted again then he did the same deleted it without as much as a bye or a way to keep in contact. So I guess I thought more of him than he did of me. 

Last night I decided enough was enough. I deleted my profile. I just got fed up with the same old and realised I am not unhappy on my own. I have my family and friends online. I don't need a man to be happy. I believe there is someone out there for me and that he will probably appear when I least expect it. I'm not saying online dating sites don't work because you do see many success stories but right now it's not for me. I know love will find me in the end it always does.